California Dreaming

Dream on...

Currently drinking: Acacia Chardonnay, 2012. Honeysuckle and roasted melon, a full body ride that connects the tongue and anus via jasmine. 

Is this real life? Is this forever? Hell no. 

I woke at 1:00am to Kate freaking out because someone was peering inside of our cottage. To her credit, she was right and we both we're on edge as I walked to the door armed with an empty 2011 Priest Ranch Sauvignon Blanc bottle, ready to strike (in my underwear). The culprit took off, and left us both uneasy for the duration of the night. I'm sure she (as we determined only by description) was just wasted and wanted a hug, or our wine, so we're not too concerned about the lodging for the rest of our trip. Who knows, I may even get a hug :)

After a series of swirling dreams, I woke to my wife stomping in the door around 7 am, proudly wearing the sweat of a 3 mile run. I, on the other hand had a pillow between my legs and my right arm was half asleep... Classy. I shake off the dust knowing I have but one mission in life - to snap a photo of the ever elusive "Bouchon Basket Ninja". This is the person who is responsible for dropping tasty baked goods on my doorstep around 8am whilst I drool pinot onto a goose down feather pillow. At 7:35, I grab the Canon T3 while Kate showers and hit the front porch only to find this:

Son of a bitch! She beat me to the punch, or so I thought... I noticed my neighbor didn't have their basket yet, so I sat and waited. Sure enough the short haired, basket bearing beauty appeared. I was in awe, and for a second I actually considered attacking her just so I could double down on baskets, but let's be honest, no pastry is worth going to jail for (even if it has weed in it). Did I snap a pic or two? Yes. Will I upload them now? No. Why? All I have is an iPad... You'll have to wait til I post the whole album later. I hope this will suffice in the meantime:

Our basket was nothing short of glorious though...

Pictured clockwise from 10:00ish; Sourdough baguette, some sort of sweet bread, a Maine blueberry scone, and the legendary chocolate filled croissant! Also pictured, modest fruit cup, New York Times, fresh squeezed OJ and a bottle of 2010 Chandon. 

For all of you that just called me an asshole outloud, I hear you and I agree with you entirely; I suck and I don't deserve this, but I'm getting it all the same, so enjoy the ride with me. Needless to say, we made incredibly short work of this platter and quickly agreed the chocolate croissant won by a longshot. In the words of my beautiful and well spoken wife, "you can't beat a buttery fucking chocolate filled pastery...", and she's right. As we crushed a few mimosas, she looked at a few vineyards north of us in Calistoga and St. Helena, and we settled on Castello di Amorosa, a big ass castle about 25 mins outside of town. 

The drive was nothing short of stunning. Every California wine I've ever heard of we passed on the way up. It was only 10:00, so the sun was still mild and the tempeture just under 75 degrees. THIS is the Napa experience I pictured that the first two days hadn't yet revealed. With the love of my life on my right, we crept up the driveway in the silver Mustang, alongside Frank Sinatra crooning "My Funny Valentine".

Holy wineshits! 

I'm a midget, 3 topless broads, and a beheading away from eternal paradise. I just pray that the wine is a fraction as good as the view, and for $35 a head, it better be.

There is no way I can possibly reconstruct this fabulous hour long tour with my lack of patience and sub 400 word vocabulary, so let's just say it was excellent and far exceeded my expectations. Our tour guide, Jefferson, was first class awesome and must wield a 9 inch cock as he spoke with the swagger of a guy who makes 94 point wine every time he farts. A few pics from the tour below: 

Kept between 58-60 degrees at all times...

I would have sex with this if there were time and it bought me dinner 

Plastic signs to highlight the ambiance 

Magnums increase the quality of wine as they store comparable oxygen to a 375ml bottle, yet hold two times as much wine. #snootywineknowledgeandshit

My future grave

Outstanding wine/fingernails

I'm bald, she's sexy

The 5 wine tasting was terrific, here is the the rundown of what we chose:

Taste 1: 2013 Pinot Bianco

Taste 2: 2012 Gewürztraminer 

Taste 3: 2011 Zingaro "gypsy"

Taste 4: 2010 Sangiovese 

Taste 5: 2011 Merlot

BONUS! I talked the guy up... Surprise!

Taste 6: 2010 Cabernet Sauvignon 

Frankly, the first 3 I would buy a case of now. The Sangiovese was forgettable, and the Merlot was

...well, a merlot. The Cab had a super fat ass and begged for 20 more mins to loosen up before sipped, but regardless stood strong amongst many $80+ bottles in the Maryland Market.

We left super satisfied and ready to eat. Well, there are a ton of grapes here...